Έχετε σκεφτεί ποτέ ότι το βασικό σας πρόβλημα στη ζωή μπορεί να είναι η ντροπή;
Ότι πολλές από τις φαινομενικά ακατανόητες ή αυτοϋπονομευτικές συμπεριφορές σας μπορεί να οφείλονται στη ντροπή; Ότι πίσω από το θυμό, τη θλίψη, το άγχος και τις δυσκολίες στις σχέσεις σας μπορεί να κρύβεται η ντροπή;
Αν ήδη το σκέφτεστε ή κάποια χορδή αγγίζει αυτό, συνεχίστε το διάβασμα…
ΝΤΡΕΠΟΜΑΙ ΠΟΥ ΥΠΑΡΧΩ
Για να μην μπερδευόμαστε, σημειώστε ότι ντροπή δεν σημαίνει ενοχή.
Δεν σημαίνει αυτό που αισθανόμαστε όταν πιστεύουμε ότι πρέπει να επανορθώσουμε ή να τιμωρηθούμε για συγκεκριμένες πράξεις, αλλά αυτό που αισθανόμαστε όταν πιστεύουμε ότι υπάρχουμε με αρνητικό τρόπο στο μυαλό των άλλων[1].
Έχει να κάνει με το μέσα μας, με το πώς νιώθουμε για τον εαυτό μας, με αυτό που ντρεπόμαστε να ομολογήσουμε ακόμα και σε εμάς τους ίδιους: ότι νιώθουμε θεμελιωδώς ελαττωματικοί ως άνθρωποι. Τόσο απαράδεκτοι, ανάξιοι και κακοί που είμαστε σίγουροι ότι οι άλλοι θα μας απορρίψουν, βλάψουν ή εγκαταλείψουν.
Είναι περίπου ταμπού – είναι θέμα που δεν συζητιέται ανοιχτά εξαιτίας του μεγάλου βαθμού ντροπής που υπάρχει για την ίδια την ντροπή[2]. Είναι από τα πιο κρυφά και ιδιωτικά συναισθήματα και ίσως όχι άδικα.
Αλήθεια, ποιος και σε ποιον παραδέχεται με ευκολία ότι αισθάνεται σαν παραφωνία της φύσης; Ποιος ομολογεί την ακλόνητη πεποίθησή του ότι από λάθος βρέθηκε να ανήκει στο ανθρώπινο είδος;
ΕΠΙΘΕΣΕΙΣ ΝΤΡΟΠΗΣ ΠΟΥ ΒΡΙΣΚΟΥΝ ΚΑΤΕΥΘΕΙΑΝ ΤΟ ΣΤΟΧΟ
Το ερέθισμα
Καθετί που απειλεί να φέρει στην επιφάνεια το απωθητικό πλάσμα που αντιλαμβανόμαστε να είμαστε και το οποίο πασχίζουμε να κρύψουμε, μπορεί να μας κάνει να ντροπιαστούμε.
Κάθε αίσθηση «ήττας» και «αποτυχίας» είναι εν δυνάμει πηγή ντροπής: από τα προβλήματα στα επαγγελματικά μας και τη ματαίωση των προσδοκιών μας, μέχρι τα «λάθη» που πιστεύουμε ότι κάνουμε και τις αξίες που νιώθουμε ότι προδίδουμε. Είναι πιθανό να μας ντροπιάσει κάτι εντελώς περιστασιακό όπως ένας λεκές στα δόντια, αλλά και ευρύτερες καταστάσεις υποτιθέμενης «αδυναμίας» όπως είναι η ασθένεια ή τα γηρατειά[3].
Επίσης, μας ντροπιάζει οτιδήποτε επιφέρει ανωμαλία στο δεσμό, είτε είναι χωρισμός, διαζύγιο και έλλειψη ενδιαφέροντος είτε είναι επαναλαμβανόμενες «αποτυχίες» στη σύναψη σχέσης. Στην ουσία, όταν μιλάμε στο διαπροσωπικό πεδίο για την έννοια της απόρριψης, μιλάμε για την ντροπή[4]. Όταν λέμε ότι δεν μπορούμε να ξεπεράσουμε την απόρριψη, αυτό που εννοούμε είναι ότι δεν μπορούμε να ξεπεράσουμε την ντροπή που μας προκάλεσε εκείνος που μας απέρριψε.
Μερικές φορές η ντροπή μπορεί να είναι μια εξολοκλήρου εσωτερική εμπειρία – αρκεί να σκεφτούμε ότι έχουμε δημιουργήσει μια άσχημη εικόνα του εαυτού μας στα μάτια των άλλων και αυτομάτως νιώθουμε ντροπή[5].
Η επίθεση
Τη στιγμή που μας κατακλύζει η ντροπή το μυαλό μπλοκάρει τελείως και δεν ξέρουμε αν πρέπει να αντεπιτεθούμε σ’ εκείνον που μας ντρόπιασε ή να τρέξουμε να κρυφτούμε[6].
Μοιάζει σαν να διακόπτεται η κανονική ροή του χρόνου. Τη μία στιγμή είμαστε γεμάτοι ενέργεια και νιώθουμε καλά για τον εαυτό μας και την αμέσως επόμενη (επειδή δεχτήκαμε μια άβολη ερώτηση ή κάποιος επισήμανε μια αστοχία μας) έρχονται τα πάνω κάτω – ενώ θέλουμε να αποκριθούμε με ψυχραιμία και αξιοπρέπεια, το σώμα μας δεν συνεργάζεται[7].
Η φράση «δεν έχω μούτρα να τον δω» δεν έχει βγει τυχαία. Η πρώτη και πιο χαρακτηριστική αντίδραση είναι να χαμηλώσουμε το κεφάλι ή να αποστρέψουμε το βλέμμα, ώστε να προκαλέσουμε μείωση της ορατότητας του προσώπου.
Η εμπειρία της ντροπής είναι απόλυτα εσωστρεφής. Στρεφόμαστε προς τα μέσα και μαζευόμαστε, νιώθοντας ολοένα και μικρότεροι ενώ οι άλλοι γύρω μας φαίνονται ολοένα και μεγαλύτεροι[8]. Στην κυριολεξία θέλουμε να ανοίξει η γη να μας καταπιεί.
Εξάλλου, ακόμα και ψηλά να κρατήσουμε το κεφάλι και να σταθούμε αγέρωχοι, το αυτόνομο νευρικό σύστημα που θα γεμίσει με αίμα το πρόσωπο, θα μας προδώσει.
Τα μεθεόρτια
Η ειρωνεία είναι ότι η απόκρισή μας στη ντροπή εντείνει περαιτέρω την ντροπή.
Ντρεπόμαστε για την ντροπή που νιώθουμε και επιτιθέμεθα στον εαυτό μας επειδή δεν φάνηκε αρκετά δυνατός ώστε να μας υπερασπιστεί.
Αισθανόμαστε ότι ηττηθήκαμε στην επίθεση που δέχτηκε η ανάγκη μας να είμαστε αρεστοί και σεβαστοί. Πραγματικά πιστεύουμε ότι χάσαμε την αξιοπρέπεια και το κύρος μας, ότι γινόμαστε αντιληπτοί με έναν επώδυνο μειωτικό τρόπο – περίπου σαν απατεώνες που ξεσκεπάστηκαν.
Αν σας φαίνονται δυσανάλογες αυτές οι αντιδράσεις σε σχέση με τα ερεθίσματα που προκαλούν την ντροπή, δεν έχετε άδικο[9].
Όμως αν η ντροπή είναι συσσωρευμένη μέσα μας, έχει αυτομολήσει και δεν εξαρτάται από τα εκάστοτε γεγονότα. Κάθε νέα ντροπιαστική εμπειρία σωρεύει αποτυπώματα πάνω στα ήδη υπάρχοντα και τελικά η ντροπή μπορεί να ενεργοποιηθεί με το τίποτα[10], προκαλώντας φαινομενικά υπερβολικές αντιδράσεις.
Αρκεί ένα ασήμαντο επεισόδιο για να ξυπνήσουν όλες οι επώδυνες μνήμες από τις χιλιάδες φορές στη ζωή μας που ακούσαμε να μας λένε: «θα έπρεπε να ντρέπεσαι».
ΝΤΡΕΠΟΜΑΙ ΕΠΕΙΔΗ ΚΑΠΟΙΟΣ ΜΕ ΝΤΡΟΠΙΑΣΕ
Η υπόθεση εργασίας είναι ότι αν έχουμε ντροπή μέσα μας, κάποιος πρέπει να την έβαλε εκεί. Κάποιος θα πρέπει να μας μπόλιασε με ντροπή, αλλιώς γιατί να ντρεπόμαστε; Που ξέραμε εμείς τι θα πει ντροπή όταν ήρθαμε στον κόσμο;
Ας πάρουμε όμως τα πράγματα από την αρχή.
Δεδομένο πρώτο: Αν στα μάτια εκείνων που μας μεγάλωσαν δούμε ότι μας αγαπούν και μας αποδέχονται, σχηματίζουμε μια αίσθηση για τον εαυτό μας ότι είμαστε αξιαγάπητοι, ικανοί και σημαντικοί.
Δεδομένο δεύτερο: Αν στα μάτια εκείνων που μας μεγάλωσαν αντικρίσουμε περιφρόνηση και αποδοκιμασία, τότε βγάζουμε το συμπέρασμα ότι είμαστε ασήμαντοι, ανεπαρκείς και ανάξιοι να αγαπηθούμε.
Δεδομένο τρίτο: Εμείς που ντρεπόμαστε ανήκουμε στην δεύτερη κατηγορία.
Εμπειρίες όπως η αδιαφορία, η απόρριψη και η εγκατάλειψη μας έμαθαν να ντρεπόμαστε[11], όχι μόνο για την ανικανότητά μας να γίνουμε αποδεκτοί, αλλά και για την ίδια την ανάγκη μας να μας αποδεχτούν.
Για την ακρίβεια, καμία συναισθηματική έκφραση δεν έμεινε όρθια:
Μας ντρόπιασαν επειδή εκφράσαμε τη γνώμη μας ή εκδηλώσαμε τη δυσαρέσκειά μας και μάθαμε να θεωρούμε τη διατύπωση άποψης ή την έκφραση διαφωνίας ντροπή.
Μας ντρόπιασαν επειδή φοβηθήκαμε, κλάψαμε ή θυμώσαμε και μάθαμε να θεωρούμε το φόβο, τη λύπη και το θυμό ντροπή.
Μας ντρόπιασαν επειδή χαρήκαμε, διασκεδάσαμε ή αισθανθήκαμε ευτυχισμένοι και μάθαμε να θεωρούμε τη χαρά, τη διασκέδαση και την ευτυχία ντροπή.
Μας ντρόπιασαν επειδή δεχτήκαμε μία φιλοφρόνηση ή τα καταφέραμε καλά σε κάτι και μάθαμε να θεωρούμε την αναγνώριση, τον έπαινο και την υπερηφάνεια ντροπή.
Μας ντρόπιασαν επειδή τρώγαμε με όρεξη ή αντλούσαμε ευχαρίστηση αγγίζοντας το σώμα μας και μάθαμε να θεωρούμε τις διατροφικές μας συνήθειες και τη σεξουαλικότητά μας ντροπή.
Μας ντρόπιασαν για τις διαπροσωπικές ανάγκες μας και μάθαμε να θεωρούμε τη λαχτάρα μας να σχετιστούμε, να μας φροντίσουν και να μας πάρουν αγκαλιά ντροπή.
Οι ανάγκες μας αγνοήθηκαν, απορρίφθηκαν ή επικρίθηκαν κι από πάνω μας ντρόπιασαν και μας ταπείνωσαν γι’ αυτές κι έχουμε καταλήξει να ντρεπόμαστε για τα συναισθήματά μας και να μην τα θεωρούμε σημαντικά.
Επιπλέον, ντρεπόμαστε που εξακολουθούμε να έχουμε ανάγκες κι επειδή τρέμουμε το κύμα ντροπής που θα μας πνίξει αν τις εκφράσουμε επιλέγουμε να τις καταπιέζουμε.
Ερμηνεύουμε τον κόσμο όχι βασιζόμενοι στα συναισθήματά μας, αλλά με βάση τα ντροπιαστικά μοντέλα που έχουμε σχηματίσει στο κεφάλι μας για τον εαυτό μας και τους άλλους – βάσει αυτών σχετιζόμαστε με τους ανθρώπους, βάσει αυτών καθορίζουμε τις προσδοκίες μας και βάσει αυτών αποφασίζουμε πώς θα αποκριθούμε σε όσα μας συμβαίνουν[12].
Οι μνήμες της ντροπής είναι τα τραύματα γύρω από τα οποία έχουμε κατασκευάσει το αφήγημα της ζωής μας[13]. Ένα αφήγημα που καταγράφει ως ντροπή και όνειδος το να υπάρχουμε απλώς ως άνθρωποι που έχουν συναισθήματα, ανάγκες και παρορμήσεις.
Η ΝΤΡΟΠΗ ΩΣ ΤΡΟΠΟΣ ΝΑ ΥΠΑΡΧΩ
Όταν η ντροπή γίνεται τρόπος ύπαρξης, σταματάει να είναι ένα συναίσθημα ανάμεσα στα άλλα και γίνεται ο απόλυτος ρυθμιστής της ίδιας της ουσίας μας.
Τα λάθη μας δεν είναι λάθη, είναι απόδειξη ότι είμαστε ένα λάθος. Οι αποτυχίες μας δεν είναι αποτυχίες, είναι απόδειξη ότι είμαστε μια αποτυχία. Μια κακή πράξη ή ανοησία δεν είναι κάτι κακό ή ανόητο που κάναμε, είναι απόδειξη ότι είμαστε ανόητοι και κακοί.
Ακόμα κι αν δεν το συνειδητοποιούμε, έχουμε οργανώσει τη ζωή μας γύρω από την ύπαρξη ή απειλή της ντροπής:
Συγκρινόμαστε με τους άλλους και πάντοτε βγαίνουμε μειωμένοι. Εστιάζουμε αποκλειστικά στις αδυναμίες μας και επιπλέον αντιλαμβανόμαστε τον εαυτό μας ως λιγότερο έξυπνο, ικανό ή ελκυστικό από ό,τι πραγματικά είναι.
Περιβάλλουμε τον εαυτό μας με μυστικότητα αποφεύγοντας να δείξουμε αδυναμία ή ευαλωτότητα. Αν παρ’ ελπίδα φανερώσουμε όσα σκεφτόμαστε ή αισθανόμαστε, αργότερα νιώθουμε ντροπιασμένοι.
Γινόμαστε δυο κομμάτια – ένα κομμάτι που παρατηρεί και κρίνει κι ένα κομμάτι που παρατηρείται και κρίνεται[14]. Επιτηρούμε με εμμονή τον εαυτό μας και εντοπίζουμε τυχόν ελαττώματα πριν τα ανακαλύψουν οι άλλοι.
Νιώθουμε άσχημα για την εμφάνισή μας – για την εικόνα που έχει το σώμα μας και για τις λειτουργίες του. Συχνά νομίζουμε ότι είμαστε παραμορφωμένοι, ότι δεν έχουμε το «σωστό» βάρος, ύψος ή σχήμα κι ακόμα έχουμε την αίσθηση ότι μυρίζουμε ή ότι είμαστε ακάθαρτοι κατά κάποιο τρόπο.
Αντιμετωπίζουμε δυσκολίες με πράγματα που φαίνονται εύκολα στους άλλους, όπως το να πάρουμε μια απόφαση, να παραστούμε σε μια κοινωνική εκδήλωση ή να δεχτούμε ένα δώρο. Με τον έναν ή τον άλλο τρόπο αισθανόμαστε διαφορετικοί – κάπως προβληματικοί.
Αποφεύγουμε να πάρουμε ρίσκα, να γνωρίσουμε καινούργιους ανθρώπους ή να δοκιμαστούμε σε νέα πράγματα λόγω του φόβου (της βεβαιότητας καλύτερα) ότι θα αποτύχουμε. Ακόμα κι αν επιχειρήσουμε κάτι, έχουμε μεγάλο άγχος για την απόδοσή μας κι αν δεν τα καταφέρουμε με την πρώτη αποθαρρυνόμαστε και μετανιώνουμε που προσπαθήσαμε.
Τέλος, νιώθουμε ντροπή όχι μόνο για το πώς φερόμαστε εμείς, αλλά και για το πώς φέρονται εκείνοι με τους οποίους σχετιζόμαστε. Κι ακόμα νιώθουμε ντροπή για το πώς φέρονται άνθρωποι άγνωστοι σε εμάς που απλώς τυχαίνει να βρίσκονται γύρω μας. Και, συχνά, νιώθουμε ντροπή χωρίς καν να ξέρουμε το λόγο.
Εν ολίγοις ζούμε με τη μόνιμη αγωνία ότι θα πατήσουμε τη μπανανόφλουδα και θα εξευτελιστούμε μπροστά σε χιλιάδες μάτια.
Στο παραμικρό στραβοπάτημα οι επικριτικές φωνές που έχουμε εσωτερικεύσει μέσα μας[15], φροντίζουν να μας επαναφέρουν στην τάξη. Τα πράγματα που λέμε στον εαυτό μας είναι φρικτά και δηλητηριώδη, απηχούν τις αξίες άλλων, αναμασούν στερεότυπα και μας ντροπιάζουν ακόμα περισσότερο. Δεν είναι απλώς επικρίσεις, είναι αηδία και καθαρό μίσος:
Πώς μπορείς και είσαι τόσο χαζός;
Αν είχες λίγη αξιοπρέπεια σαν γυναίκα δεν θα τα ανεχόσουν όλα αυτά.
Αν ήσουν πραγματικός άντρας δεν θα φερόσουν σαν κότα.
Ένα αξιοθρήνητο ανθρωπάκι είσαι που δεν αξίζει το σεβασμό κανενός.
Κανείς δεν σε αγαπάει και κανείς δεν πρόκειται να σε αγαπήσει ποτέ.
Όλοι θα σε ξεχάσουν και κανένας δεν θα βρεθεί να σε τιμήσει ούτε την ύστατη ώρα.
Η ετυμηγορία είναι καταδικαστική: έχουμε αποτύχει ως άνθρωποι, το γνωρίζουν οι πάντες ή πρόκειται να το μάθουν και δεν υπάρχει ελπίδα ούτε επιστροφή.
Έχουμε χάσει ολοκληρωτικά τη ζωτικότητα και τη φόρα μας.
Περπατάμε σκυφτοί.
ΝΑ ΘΥΜΑΣΤΕ…
Αν συνειδητοποιήσετε ότι η ζωή σας περιστρέφεται γύρω από τη ντροπή, είναι λογικό να θελήσετε να την ξεφορτωθείτε το συντομότερο δυνατό, αλλά αν μου πέφτει λόγος θα σας έλεγα να μην βιαστείτε.
Όταν η ντροπή λειτουργεί ως ρυθμιστής της συναισθηματικής μας ζωής δεν είναι τόσο εύκολο ή απλό να την εγκαταλείψουμε. Μας βασανίζει μεν, αλλά με τη «βοήθειά» της διαχειριζόμαστε όλα εκείνα τα συναισθήματα που έχουμε μάθει να θεωρούμε ανεπίτρεπτα ή αβάσταχτα[16]. Αν την εξαφανίσουμε απότομα μάλλον θα χρειαστεί να πονέσουμε, να κλάψουμε, να αντικρίσουμε άβολες αλήθειες και να τσαλακώσουμε την εικόνα μας – πράγματα που μπορεί να μην είμαστε ακόμα έτοιμοι να κάνουμε.
Μακάρι να υπήρχε μια γρήγορη λύση να απαλλαγούμε από τη ντροπή, αλλά προς το παρόν κρατήστε εκείνο που αρέσκονται να λένε συχνά οι θεραπευτές: ποτέ δεν ξεριζώνουμε ένα «σύμπτωμα» αν δεν έχουμε εξασφαλίσει προηγουμένως ότι έχουμε κάτι άλλο να βάλουμε στη θέση του…
* * * * * * *
ΔΙΑΒΑΣΤΕ ΠΕΡΙΣΣΟΤΕΡΑ ΓΙΑ ΤΗΝ ΝΤΡΟΠΗ
Αν Φέρομαι Αλαζονικά, Απόμακρα ή Επιθετικά, να Ξέρεις ότι Ντρέπομαι
Οι τρόποι με τους οποίους καμουφλάρουμε την ντροπή.
Σχέσεις Ντροπής, δηλαδή Ντρεπόμαστε αντί να Αγαπιόμαστε
Οι διαβρωτικές επιπτώσεις της ντροπής στη σχέση μας με τους άλλους.
Μην Κοιτάς Χαμηλά, Δεν Χρειάζεται να Ντρέπεσαι
Τολμήστε να κοιτάξετε τους άλλους στα μάτια χωρίς να ντρέπεστε…
1, 5, 8. Gilbert, P. & Andrews, B. (1998). Shame: Interpersonal Behavior, Psychopathology, and Culture. New York: Oxford University Press.
2, 3, 4. Kaufman, G. (1989). The Psychology of Shame: Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes (2nd edition). New York: Springer Publishing Company, Inc.
6, 9. Tangney, J. P. & Dearing, R. L. (2002). Shame and Guilt. New York: The Guilford Press.
7 . Potter-Efron, R. T. & Potter-Efron, P. S. (1989). Letting Go of Shame. Minnesota: Hazelden Publishing
10. Bradshaw, J. (1988). Healing the Shame that Binds You. Florida: Health Communications, Inc.
11. Claesson, K. & Sohlberg, S. (2002). Internalized shame and early interactions characterized by indifference, abandonment and rejection: Replicated findings. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 9(4): 277-284.
12. Matos, M. & Pinto-Gouveia, J. (2014). Shamed by a Parent or by Others: The Role of Attachment in Shame Memories Relation to Depression. International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy, 14(2): 217-244.
13. Matos, M. & Pinto-Gouveia, J. (2010). Shame as a traumatic memory. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 17(4): 299-312.
14, 16. Attachment Disorder Maryland (2013). Shame and Attachment. Αναρτήθηκε 21.4.15. από:
http://www.attachmentdisordermaryland.com/shame+attachment.htm
15. Cunha, M., Matos, M., Faria, D. & Zagalo, S. (2012). Shame memories and psychopathology in adolescence: The mediator effect of shame. International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy, 12(2): 203-218.
Image credit 1: For Shame via flickr Image credit 2: shy via flickr
Με εξέπληξε ευχάριστα ο τρόπος με τον οποίο γράφετε και αναλύετε το θέμα. Χαίρομαι πολύ που σας ανακάλυψα!
Κύριε Ανδρεόπουλε, χαίρομαι κι εγώ που βρεθήκαμε και ελπίζω να υπάρξουν και άλλα άρθρα του Ψυχολογώ που θα σας ικανοποιήσουν. Αναμένω περαιτέρω σχόλια και παρατηρήσεις σας!
Με βοηθησε πολυ
Χαίρομαι πραγματικά που σας βοήθησε κι ακόμα χαίρομαι ιδιαίτερα που μου το είπατε!
Με ποιόν τρόπο εξαφανίζεται η ντροπή; Και για ποιόν λόγο αν το κάνουμε απότομα θα αντικρύσουμε άβολες αλήθειες όπως λέτε στην προτελευταία παράγραφο; Ευχαριστώ εκ των προτέρων
Μακάρι η απάντηση στην ερώτηση για το πώς εξαφανίζεται (αν εξαφανίζεται ή αν «πρέπει» να εξαφανιστεί…) η ντροπή να ήταν τόσο απλή ή σύντομη ώστε να χωρούσε σε ένα σχόλιο!
Προσπάθησα να διερευνήσω πάντως το θέμα του πώς μπορούμε να αποκτήσουμε καλύτερη σχέση με την ντροπή στα άρθρα μου Αν Φέρομαι Αλαζονικά, Απόμακρα ή Επιθετικά, να Ξέρεις ότι Ντρέπομαι, Σχέσεις Ντροπής, δηλαδή Ντρεπόμαστε αντί να Αγαπιόμαστε και Μην Κοιτάς Χαμηλά, Δεν Χρειάζεται να Ντρέπεσαι, στα οποία θα πρότεινα να ρίξετε μια ματιά αν δεν τα έχετε ήδη διαβάσει.
Σε αυτά τα άρθρα θα βρείτε και τις δύσκολες ή άβολες αλήθειες που πολλές φορές κρύβονται πίσω από τη ντροπή και οι οποίες μπορεί να αποδειχθούν επώδυνες αν «αποκαλυφθούν» τη στιγμή που δεν είμαστε έτοιμοι να τις αντικρίσουμε. Μια τέτοια «άβολη αλήθεια» είναι, για παράδειγμα, το ότι ντρεπόμαστε για τον εαυτό μας επειδή έχουμε πολύ άσχημη εικόνα για εκείνον…
Σας ευχαριστώ για το σχόλιο και ελπίζω τα παραπάνω άρθρα να απαντήσουν περαιτέρω στα ερωτήματά σας.
Καλησπέρα. Χαίρομαι που όταν έγραψα την λεξη ντρέπομαι σε μηχανή αναζήτησης έπεσα πάνω στο άρθρο σας. Το ερώτημά μου είναι το εξής. Και μου συμβαίνει για αυτό σας ρωτάω. Υπάρχει περίπτωση κάποιος να νιώθει ντροπή χωρίς σκέψεις ή χωρίς να ξέρει το λόγο? Έτσι ξαφνικά να έρχεται το συναίσθημα και να τον κατακλύζει χωρίς να έχει συμβεί κατι και χωρίς να μπορεί να προσδιορίσει το γιατί?
Αλίκη, χαίρομαι κι εγώ που η μηχανή αναζήτησης σάς έφερε στο blog μου και που το αποτέλεσμα της αναζήτησης ήταν ικανοποιητικό για εσάς.
Ως προς το ερώτημά σας, παρόλο που δεν αναφέρετε πολλές λεπτομέρειες, θα σας έλεγα ότι είναι πολύ πιθανό κάποιος να νιώθει ντροπή χωρίς να μπορεί να την εξηγήσει, με τον ίδιο τρόπο που ένας άνθρωπος μπορεί να νιώσει θλίψη ή θυμό χωρίς να είναι σίγουρος για τους λόγους.
Σε αυτές τις περιπτώσεις είναι βοηθητικό να «αφουγκραστεί» κανείς αυτό που του συμβαίνει (χωρίς να προσπαθεί να το διώξει…) και να «ακούσει» τι θέλει να του πει το συναίσθημά του – μερικές φορές, αυτή η δουλειά μπορεί να γίνει με τη βοήθεια ειδικού.
Ελπίζω να βρείτε σύντομα τρόπο να κατανοήσετε την ντροπή που βιώνετε, έτσι ώστε να καταφέρετε να την διαχειρίζεστε αποτελεσματικά χωρίς να σας κατακλύζει.
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